


underneath it all

by novocaine_sea



Series: 12 Months of Semi Eita [10]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Tokyo Ghoul, Character Death, Dove!Tendou, Ghoul!Semi, Inspired by Tokyo Ghoul, M/M, Past Character Death, Sexual Content, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-08 06:09:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21231068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novocaine_sea/pseuds/novocaine_sea
Summary: Semi's first mistake was striking up a conversation with a Dove. The second mistake? Falling in love with one.





	underneath it all

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhhhh it's finally done! *sobs* I've been working on this for like a MONTH now. More than that probably. Thank you to Kate for helping me brainstorm this some days!!! This is my first TenSemi ever, wow... I love Tokyo Ghoul, I hope you all love Ghoul Semi as much as I do

Semi Eita had broken a rule. It was an unspoken rule, but it was perhaps more important and life threatening than anything that could have been conveyed out loud.

He fell in love with a human. A Dove to be exact. He’d hidden the fact that they weren’t quite alike pretty well until one fateful night when that all changed. 

It was a night where the scent of blood hung heavy in the air. A trail of crimson lead to a figure lying in a pool of the colored liquid, face down, no signs of life to be found. There were bite marks chewed into the skin, making it look as if an animal had come and mauled them. It was gruesome, and no normal human would be capable of such a thing. 

As it would seem, it was not a normal human who committed such crime.

Three living creatures loomed over the body on the ground, crunching and slurping up the blood and flesh in their hands. Their clothes were coated in blood, as were their hands, one more so than the others.

“Why do I have to do all the work and you two just reap the benefits?” Semi himself asked as he dropped a limb to the asphalt, wringing his hands of excess blood and wiping them dry on his jeans.

“Excuse you,” Kawanishi Taichi cut in with a bored monotone, “I used my charm to distract him.”

Semi scoffed, “Charm, yeah. That’s barely doing anything.”

The third party, Shirabu Kenjirou, was characteristically silent aside from a quiet snort and a sharp glance. Kawanishi only looked mildly offended as he continued to munch on his dinner.

Semi scanned their surroundings to make sure nobody was coming up on them. They were hidden deep in the shadows of the alleyway, though their red eyes could probably still be made out. It wouldn’t take them long to run from whoever, but he’d rather not have to activate that kind of response. Within recent days there’d been an increase of Doves in their Ward, searching for the three of them ironically enough. The three of them called themselves the Swans, having the same masks and way of killing, their own identifiers being their height and kagune, as no one kagune was the same.

“Are you almost done? I want to go,” Shirabu snapped.

“I like to take my time,” Kawanishi said, picking at the blood under his nails, clearly unconcerned with Shirabu’s want.

“You’re more than welcome to leave,” Semi told him.

Shirabu only gave him a look that conveyed how stupid he thought that idea was. It was kind of stupid, Semi has to admit. Even though they were professionals at hiding the fact that they were ghouls, they still had to be careful.

When they were finally done, Shirabu stomped ahead of them, but still kept close. They meandered through the backstreets and alleyways, avoiding the commercial avenues. Kawanishi shoved his hands in his pockets and watched curiously.

“What’s his problem?”

Semi shrugged and he looked around, “He probably wants to get back to Tsutomu. He doesn’t like to leave him alone for too long. Not after what happened to Ak-“ He swallowed his words, unable to finish his sentence. The name of his former lover always twisted his tongue, even though it had been years since the Doves had killed him. Semi will never forget that. 

Semi tapped Kawanishi on the back as he broke from their formation, “Keep an eye on him, yeah?”

“And where are you going?”

“I’m just going to take a walk, no big deal.”

“Mhm. Okay.” 

Semi brushed of Kawanishi’s suspiciousness and waited until the two were out of sight before he spun on his heel. In actuality, he had no idea where he was going to go. The thoughts of the past had made him want to wander, made him want to forget all the painful feelings that were bubbling beneath the surface. It was a nice night, so he didn’t mind being out. The weather would start to get cold soon, so he didn’t have many more nights like this.

He found himself outside of a bar, 360 Degrees. He’d frequented this place many times, mostly because it was run by ghouls but open to the general populous. It was easy to mask the blood alcohol with the normal alcohol; it only looked like red wine. Semi could pretend to be classy for a night, even though he’d just been in the shadows feasting on human flesh.

He pushed into the bar and sealed his fate. Maybe if he’d gone home, things wouldn’t have happened the way they did. But he was surrounded by the modern red and black decor and a familiar scent that Semi could never forget. Even though his lover was gone his scent could hardly be washed away. It permeated everything, so much so that Semi could hallucinate that he was still with him. 

“Semi!” A feminine voice purred from the bar and hazel eyes flicked over. He froze briefly when he saw a silver briefcase glinting under the dim lights. He forced his eyes away and upward, catching Yukie’s bright grin. As bright as it was, Semi couldn’t be fooled; it didn’t match the apprehension in her eyes. “It’s been a while. You want a drink?”

Semi wiped his lips and he sat down a few seats away from the man with the briefcase, making sure to not make eye contact, “That’d be great.”

“Mm,” Yukie hummed and she glanced towards the Dove with a grim expression before turning away to prepare Semi’s drink.

The one night that Semi wanted to escape the creature he was and his past, somebody who wanted to get rid of him most was presented right in front of him. He had no idea what kind of future he had now with the man beside him, but he would soon find out. The man’s hair was spiked as high as the length could reach and was a wild red color, the same color Semi had been feasting on recently. He was grinning to himself and into his drink, almost as if he were sharing a secret with honey liquid. Hunched over the bar awkwardly, his limbs looked too gangly to really fit anywhere properly. How had this man become a Dove?

Semi was determined to just ignore him and sip his wine. He’d already gotten his fill for the day, but at least the wine would let him loosen up a little. The words practically fell from his lips after having a glass and it was an interaction Semi would hold with him. 

“Do you always carry that briefcase around with you?” Semi piped up after sitting in silence. It was just the two of them and Yukie in the bar, Yukie having gone to wipe down tables behind him. Semi wasn’t sure what compelled him to talk to the guy; maybe it was the connection they already shared, though it wasn’t likely that the Dove had sniffed him out. Semi was good at evading them; he’d been on their most wanted list for four years now, he’d managed to slip away on more than one occasion.

The man grinned lopsidedly at him, a crazed look in his eye. It made Semi recoil in disgust. And they thought his kind were the freaks. “I do! Would you like to see what’s inside?”

“No thanks...” Semi spoke slowly. He decided to play dumb, in order to keep up appearances, “What’s it for? Clearly it’s something important if you carry it around all the time.”

A cackle sounded from beside him and Semi flinched. Maybe he wasn’t as cool as he thought he could be around these Doves. Why was he conversing with him again? “Wouldn’t you like to know?” His tone was ominous and it sent shivers down Semi’s spine. When it was clear Semi didn’t have a response to that, the man began to laugh again. “I have a very important job and need this with me at all times. You never know when you might catch a ghoul!” The man’s eyes moved to Yukie and it took everything in Semi not to suck in a sharp breath. This man clearly knew about Yukie and likely everybody else who worked at this bar then. 

“You can’t catch a ghoul with a briefcase,” Semi awkwardly laughed with him and the man snapped his head towards him, grin feral.

“Can’t you?” The mass of limbs stood, swaying a little and popping the muscles. How long had he been there? It was definitely long enough to sniff out the fact that Yukie was a ghoul. Did he know Semi was drinking blood wine. “Nice chatting with you, thank you for having such a fine establishment. My name is Tendou. We’ll probably be seeing a lot of each other so if you ever need protection, feel free to call my name into the wind!”

He threw some change down on the bar and sauntered out the door, briefcase in hand. Semi spared a glance towards Yukie and opened his mouth to warn her, but her expression said it all. They’d both heard the threat in those words.

The threat sat uneasy with Semi for a few days. He couldn’t keep the strange man - Tendou - out of his head. What did he mean by ‘We’ll be seeing a lot of each other?’ Was he talking to him or Yukie or both? There was no way he hadn’t known they were ghouls based off of that statement.

He decided not to tell Shirabu or Kawanishi about the interaction. Kawanishi likely wouldn’t care, but Shirabu was more inclined to pop off at him. Shirabu’s temper flared more often than not and it was a wrath that Semi would rather avoid than endure. Shirabu had a habit of letting his kagune emerge whenever he was angry in the comfort of one of their apartments and Semi could not pay for another damaged wall that Shirabu inevitably slammed him into. 

That being said, if these interactions became more frequent, Semi was really going to think it was a threat. It was a quiet afternoon when Tendou sauntered into his place of work. Semi worked at the front desk of a museum; it was easy to blend in amongst the humans, and not many people frequented the gallery. He got to admire art all day and be in a quiet establishment. Semi preferred the quiet, as it was a stark contrast to his busy and chaotic lifestyle in the shadows.

Semi raised an eyebrow as he caught a flash of red hair grow closer and closer to the desk. “You again,” he scowled involuntarily. 

Tendou brightened upon seeing him, “Ah! You...” he leaned in uncomfortably close and squinted at Semi’s obligatory name tag, “Semi! What a lovely name you have there!”

It was Semi’s turn to squint. Tendou seemed genuine but by principle Semi would never believe a man in a trench coat. Especially with the briefcase now perched gingerly on the desk. Semi tried to not to spare it a glance but it was kind of hard.

“Are you stalking me?” He decided to ask instead, resting his cheek in his palm, “Shouldn’t you be doing work?”

“It’s a slow day so I decided to calm ogle some art.” Tendou mimicked Semi’s position and reddish-brown eyes opened wide to stare at him. Semi shifted in his seat and he started typing on the computer.

“So, that’ll be one ticket?”

A loud cackle bounced off the walls of the otherwise silent museum, some people looking on to see who’d made that screeching sound. Even Semi flinched from the close proximity to the source. 

“Oh Semi-Semi, are you always this dense?”

The ghoul scrunches his nose at the nickname, and his second mistake was not shutting it down. His first was talking to the Dove at all. 

“No? If you’re not going to buy a ticket, then I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

“Say,” Tendou suddenly shifted so he was standing straight, fingers only clutching the edge of the desk now, “do you always go to that bar?”

Clearing his throat and rolling his shoulders, Semi tried to play it off while simultaneously running through that night in his head. “360 Degrees? Sometimes. The owners were a... a friend of a friend.”

“And this friend of yours, did they go there often?”

“I guess.” Semi shifted uncomfortably once more. The truth was, the bar felt like a second home when Akinori had been alive. The owls had been his found family before Shirabu and Kawanishi finally let him become a Swan. He’d known the latter group longer, but as could be implied, Shirabu was a stubborn bastard. 

“Maybe I could-“

“He’s dead, so you can’t,” Semi suddenly felt cold. Why was he talking to a Dove anyway? What were the chances that this man knew the person who’d murdered Akinori?

“Oh.” Tendou’s intensity dimmed and he became sheepish, running the back of his neck, “Sorry Semi-Semi, for striking a nerve.”

Semi looked around the lanky form to see a customer waiting in line, “If you’ll excuse me, somebody actually wants to pay to see artwork.”

“Right, of course.” Tendou grabbed his briefcase and bowed apologetically to the person behind him. He lingered as Semi completed the transaction and handed the ticket to the customer, watching them walk down the hall. He turned his back on Tendou and closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. He could feel his kagune stir in its sack, waiting to burst. It always called on him when he was starting to get angry and frustrated, which was difficult when that was a constant state he lived in.

Thankfully, Tendou got the hint and went on his merry way. The prickling feeling on the back of Semi’s neck where Tendou’s eyes had settled themselves finally dissipated. Semi spent the next few hours of his shift in peace, not talking to anybody. 

He went hunting that night by himself, telling Shirabu and Kawanishi to take Goshiki with them. Goshiki was Shirabu’s boyfriend and recently taken under their wing, mostly trained by Shirabu himself. Semi didn’t have the energy to meet up with them that night and even though Shirabu would likely curse him out the next time he saw him, it was worth missing a headache.

After wiping the blood from his mouth and checking himself for any splatters on his clothes, Semi headed towards 360 Degrees. He wanted to warn them that the Doves were on their tail and it might be best if they laid low for a while. He pushed into the bar, met by familiar dim lights and the pungent smell of alcohol. There was more of a crowd than there had been the other night, but it was earlier in the evening.

He paused in his tracks when he saw Tendou already at the bar. There was something sinister about the grin he had on his face tonight as crazed eyes followed the bartender around. It wasn’t Yukie tonight, but Sarukui, which Semi was grateful for. Sarukui had more of a tendency to turn a blind eye to anything out of the ordinary.

The beating of his own heart was deafening with each step Semi took towards the bar. He slid into the seat beside Tendou and he only nodded at the ghoul behind the counter, Sarukui turning to make him his drink.

“Semi-Semi!” Tendou exclaimed loudly in his ear. Semi tried not to flinch, already on edge just by the mere sight of him. “Fancy meeting you here.”

“Is it?” Semi challenged, bringing his drink towards him when it’s set next to his hand. Sarukui turned his back to him, but he could smell the fear on him. Yukie had probably warned him, and he knew the Owls had no qualms with letting their kagune emerge in front of humans.

“Mhm!” Tendou nodded and he lifted his drink to his lips. Violently his head snapped back and even over the hum of the crowd in the bar, Semi could hear him swallow. “Say SemiSemi, do you think ghouls feel?”

Semi knew Tendou was staring at him and it took all of his willpower to not glance up at Sarukui. It would give him and Sarukui away and he couldn’t risk that. The briefcase was heavy between them; a Dove was never afraid to use what was inside. 

“Wouldn’t they?” Semi questioned right back.

Tendou drummed his fingers on the counter, “That’s what I’m trying to figure out. They can procreate, hold relationships... but then they can murder people and devour them?”

“Don’t humans do that?” Semi fired back, grip on his glass tight, “Without the eating people... Don’t humans murder each other, some for fun, some out of necessity? How are they any different from ghouls in that sense?”

Semi was honestly shocked that Tendou was openly having this conversation. Most people ignored the existence of ghouls until they couldn’t anymore, whether they were being murdered by one or were forced to be evacuated because the ghouls and investigators were at war again. But it was intriguing to Semi that Tendou would strike up this topic of conversation. He’d always been a fan of the psychological aspect of things, having read multiple books of humans trying to dissect a ghoul’s psyche. Some were on par, but most miss the mark.

Maybe Tendou was just like those people, just disguised as a Dove.

“Are you a sympathizer, Semi-Semi?” It was Tendou’s turn to appear cold. Maybe Tendou was onto him after all. “Are you a ghoul fucker?”

The sheer insanity of such a statement made Semi choke on his drink and let out a genuine laugh. When was the last time he’d laughed like that? It almost made his skin crawl that a man like Tendou had made him laugh in such a way. “Ghoul fucker? What are you, fifteen?” He took a deep breath, mulling over his words carefully. “I just don’t see the point in all of this, this divide. Ghouls are just like... like us. They feel, they love, they just need a different form of food. As long as they’re far from me I don’t really care.”

“Ah,” Tendou snapped his fingers and Semi closed his eyes, prepared for Tendou to out him. “An anarchist. I kind of like that. Means you’re freaky.”

“_ Freaky? _” 

“Yeah. You know...” There was a suggestive wiggle of eyebrows that made Semi lean back in his stool and scrunch up his nose. If only Tendou knew he was flirting with the thing he seemingly hated the most. 

“Why are you so interested in ghouls anyway?”

The look on Tendou’s face soured and he stared into his empty glass. Semi almost regretted asking, but the desire to know outweighed whatever apprehensive feeling that crept up his spine. There had to be a reason that somebody as carefree as Tendou was filled with so much hate. He barely knew Tendou, but he knew living beings, whether human or ghoul there was always a reason to how they felt. 

“They took somebody from me. A sibling. I watched it happen and I felt powerless, and so angry. So I enrolled into the academy, put all my anger towards becoming strong, wielding my own weapon and killing those _ things _ with their own kagune.” Tendou laughed but there was no humor in his voice. The cold feeling was back and Semi could hear the rush of blood in his ears, swallowing thickly. He almost knew what Tendou was going to say before he said it, but the anticipation was still so, so painful. “There are these ghouls that travel in packs. A group of them killed her, so I want to kill every single one of them. I’ve got a couple, but they’re very wise and can slip through the cracks.” Red eyes flicked towards Sarukui and Semi cleared his throat to keep Tendou’s attention on him. Had Tendou been the one to kill Akinori? No... no it couldn’t be...

“I’m sorry that something so... traumatic had to happen for you to...”

Tendou waved his hand, seeing Semi’s clear struggle. “Enough about my traumatic past! Tell me all your trauma, Semi-Semi. I wanna know what tickles you.” Tendou leaned forward with clear interest, reddish eyes shining once more. Semi almost said no. How was he supposed to talk about himself without talking about the one thing that made him, him.

But, he found himself opening up to the Dove against better judgment. He talked about his art and what inspired him. He talked about his favorite authors and books and thrillers he liked to read. He figured Tendou would like that sort of thing, considering a lot of them delved into the ghouls. Semi never went into major things about his past, never told Tendou about how the Doves murdered his parents and left him orphaned, his only solace killing people. Semi had been coldblooded and coldhearted in his teenage years, doing everything he could do to survive until he found the Swans. Under the tutelage of Washijou-sensei, Semi learned to control the bloodthirst and channel it in the form of art. He learned to hunt only when necessary, not just because he could. He used his kagune a lot less.

Semi even talked about his former love, and how the death of him had made Semi revert back to his younger self for a brief period. But he got himself back on track and he was grateful for himself for doing so. Losing Akinori had destroyed him, but Semi was still alive today because it was what Akinori would have wanted. 

Tendou’s attention never wavered. Semi almost forgot at that moment who exactly he was talking to. He hadn’t actually spoken this many words to anybody since Akinori. It was liberating. And it caused a lapse in judgment, Semi’s third mistake. The biggest mistake.

The went home with Tendou that night, Sarukui’s eyes boring holes into his back. Semi knew he was going to be ousted from the bar now, from any sort of relationship with the Owls, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. And Tendou was right about one thing: Semi was a freak. His above-average stamina came in handy in bed, even as he was focusing on not letting his desire overwhelm him, knowing the whites in his eyes would pool black if he did so. What a mood killer that would be.

Tendou was one hell of a fuck. He could actually match Semi’s pace, which was rough and animalistic. Semi never would have let him top until Tendou pinned him to the mattress and sucked that magical spot on the side of his neck that he somehow pinpointed on sight. Semi was putty in his hands at that point and his ass was sore because of it, but it was absolutely worth it. Semi limped home that night, full of shame but also fully satisfied sexually. He wasn’t sure which one was more prominent. 

He was determined to keep this his filthy little secret, even as he left with Tendou’s number in his contacts and his seed inside of him. The secret lasted about two days. It was a normal day when things came to light, Semi was getting ready for his shift at the museum, rolling his eyes at some dumb thing Tendou had texted him. They’d kept in contact for the past two days; well, Tendou had been blowing up his phone and Semi was responding minimally.

But again, it was a normal day. He thought he was going to have a peaceful day, maybe meet up with Shirabu, Kawanishi and possibly Goshiki later that night to hunt. He should’ve known that nothing could stay hidden in the spider web of ghouls. Everything and anything travelled fast and they were bound to find out about it sooner or later.

The only warning Semi had before his door was ripped violently off the hinges was a muffled, panicked, “_ Shirabu-San!” _ Semi braced for impact, phone gripped tightly in his hand, but he still flinched at the metallic bang of the door smacking against the floor. Letting out an audible sigh he stood and made his way to the hall.

“Shirabu-“

He only had time to say his name before a flash of purple and black was in front of him and Semi was pinned to the wall. Diamond-like shards pierced Semi’s skin and crucified him, a trickle of blood spurting from his lips as the pain coursed through him. Shirabu’s ukaku was lethally strong, but he’d purposely missed Semi’s vitals. If Shirabu was going to kill him, it was going to be painfully slow.

“A fucking Dove?” Crimson irises flashed in his vision before he saw shards of glass once more, feeling the slices to his cheek. “A _ dove _?!”

“Shirabu-”

“If you get us killed,” Shirabu sneered, inches from his face. There was spit flying from the corners of his lips and landing on Semi’s face, but Semi couldn’t move to wipe it off. It mingled with the blood slipping down his cheeks and it stung. “If your stupid mistakes get us killed, I will personally find the quinque they make out of you and _ eat it _. I’ll devour you whole.”

Semi wanted to say something snarky back, but he just tilted his chin upwards to appear bigger. His lip trembled from the pain and the anger seeping through his veins, whites of his eyes shifting to mirror the abyss of Shirabu’s. Semi unleashed his bikaku, breaking the diamonds pinning him to the wall and flinging Shirabu across the apartment. It was already ruined, might as well continue to trash it. 

“Shirabu-san!” Goshiki cried out again and he rushed to help his boyfriend, but Shirabu was already up and rushing at Semi. Semi drew his kagune into a defensive position, getting ready to attack, but Kawanishi came in and grabbed Shirabu, shoving him face first into the floor. His knee pressed into the center of the smaller’s back, koukaku coiling around his arm to provide a heavier weight to keep Shirabu down. Goshiki whimpered like a hurt puppy at all the fighting and it only took a few deep breaths for Semi to calm down. He closed his eyes and when he opened them, everything was clear.

“Why aren’t you mad?” Shirabu shouted, flailing around under Kawanishi’s weight.

“It’s none of our business what he does in his spare time. If he wants to make horrible decisions, he can do that on his time,” Kawanishi deadpanned.

Semi rolled his shoulders uncomfortably. Was it really that horrible of a decision? Sure, Tendou would likely murder him if he knew he was a ghoul, but for a moment Semi just felt like a living being having sex with another living being. He wasn’t a ghoul and Tendou wasn’t an investigator. They were two organisms having sex, enjoying each other’s time. Sure Tendou was a little bit of a freak, but Semi kind of liked it.

After all if he hadn’t he never would’ve stayed so long at the bar.

Shirabu slammed his fist into the polished wood flooring and growled, though the red eyes had receded. “He’s a Dove,” came the sneer finally, “What are you doing?”

“I don’t know!” Semi sighed. “Maybe if I keep him close I can keep an eye on him. He’s very open about what he does. Kind of like... keeping the enemy closer than your friends, kind of thing.”

“If this backfires, make as if you never considered me a friend,” Shirabu went limp under Kawanishi and Kawanishi slowly rose off of him, though he lingered to make sure Shirabu didn’t suddenly go berserk once again. Shirabu remained on the floor for some time, nobody really saying anything. Semi was still on high alert even though their kagune had retreated back inside of them. 

When Shirabu finally stood, Semi backed out of the way and averted his gaze when a death glare was fixed upon him.

“I’m really sorry Semi-san...” Goshiki whispered before Shirabu barked for him to come on, the eager puppy chasing after his boyfriend’s tail. Kawanishi assessed Semi and it made Semi uncomfortable to be under such scrutiny. 

“Did you at least top?”

The silence said it all and he could hear Kawanishi’s disappointed sigh followed by retreating footsteps. Semi looked around him at the damage to his apartment and he wondered how in the hell he was going to explain this to his landlord, or even fix the door before nighttime fell.

Semi met up with Tendou almost every day after the incident with the other Swans. He did not return to 360 Degrees, as he knew it was most likely Sarukui who ratted him out. He shouldn’t have trusted that cat-mouthed bastard. Not that he’d actually said anything, but Semi should’ve been more careful and aware of his surroundings. He made sure to meet up with Tendou in places not operated by ghouls and places where Semi could blend in normally. Mostly they met up at coffee shops, which Tendou must have known was one of the only human things a ghoul could stomach. Semi just passed it off as being really passionate about coffee.

Semi as surprised in himself in how much he enjoyed spending time with the investigator despite the man’s many quirks. A few he’d noticed were that Tendou never sat normally in a chair, whether he had one foot perched on the seat or he was sitting in it backwards, Tendou could talk for hours at length about manga and knew every little detail about the author and the series, he loved American horror movies and would invite Semi over to watch them with him. The last one Semi always hoped would end in them making out but no, Tendou had to analyze the entire movie, so much so that Semi never even really got to watch it, he just listened to Tendou’s analyzations. 

He really started to love all of Tendou’s quirks. He was different, and when they were together, Semi could forget that they were different. So different, in fact that if Tendou knew the real him, he’d want to kill him. But that fact had been beaten like a dead horse in his head every day since he’d met Tendou. He continued to ignore that voice in his head and decided to be happy. Semi was rarely happy anymore since Akinori was murdered. 

“How come you never seem to be working?” Semi asked one afternoon, pushing thoughts of his past relationship from his mind. He’d come straight from his shift at the museum; in fact, Tendou had picked him up and walked with him to the nearest cafe. Semi considered Tendou his boyfriend at this point, which was odd because he was hiding the most important part of himself from him. What was even more shocking was that Semi cared for him in the first place. At least Shirabu was actively ignoring him, which was fine as long as he didn’t try and murder him.

“Because I have to keep an eye on you, of course!”

“Why?” Semi’s spine straightened.

"You never know what might be lurking in the shadows...” Tendou wiggled his fingers and Semi rolled his eyes, visibly relaxing. 

“I’m pretty sure I can handle myself. I have yet to see you in action, so I don’t know if you’re actually as skilled as you say you are.”

“Would you like to find out?” Tendou asked, completely serious. Semi could tell by the gleam in his eye and the tilt of his head. Semi clicked his tongue in thought. Would he like to see Tendou in action? Would Tendou risk Semi’s life like that, putting him in danger in a potential ghoul chase?

He was about to respond when a large, looming figure stood over them. Semi shrunk in his seat as he looked up at whoever it was. 

“Wakatoshi-kun!” Tendou sang out, but Semi couldn’t tear his gaze away from Ushijima. This happened every time they met, the first time being the most awkward. There was no way Ushijima hadn’t sensed that he was a ghoul, especially with the way he was glaring at him. But that may have just been his face, Semi didn’t actually know.

“Satori. You are needed, let’s go,” the flat monotone left no room for arguments and though Tendou was technically Ushijima’s superior, the former stood up and saluted the bulkier man.

“Yes sir!” Tendou said sharply and he bent down to grab his suitcase and to give Semi a quick kiss. Semi didn’t miss the slight grimace on Ushijima’s face, though it was gone in the blink of an eye. “I’ll see you later, Semi-Semi. Don’t forget about our date!” He wiggled his fingers before skipping out the door with Ushijima in tow. 

Semi’s eyebrows pinched together, “Date?”

He got his answer later when he received a cryptic text from Tendou with only an address. Semi assumed that Tendou wanted to meet then so he made himself look presentable and headed down towards the address. He had to use the maps on his phone to get there, as it was an unfamiliar and desolate part of the area, but he made it there, the only sign of life being Tendou himself.

This was Semi’s final, most defeating mistake. 

“This is what you call a date?” It wasn’t anything spectacular, mostly run down buildings and broken street lamps. 

“I want to bring you into my world Semi-Semi! Because you’re special to me,” there was something soft in Tendou’s voice that Semi had never heard before and it almost made him let his guard down. He couldn’t help but scoff, but he was fully immersed in Tendou’s world, Tendou just didn’t know it.

“Okay...?”

Tendou only grinned maniacally as he clicked open his briefcase; Semi’s eyes widened when he realized what was about to happen. The ghoul’s breath caught when a sword made of what looked like obsidian glass appeared in Tendou’s hand. His mouth ran dry. He knew the color of that quinque, it was unique, it was an _ Owl’s _ kagune that it was from. It was...

“Akaashi,” Semi whispered, the sound a wisp of wind from his lips. He felt cold. He needed to go. There was no way he was going to make it through the night now that he knew Tendou had killed Akaashi. Had he killed Akinori too? No, he couldn’t have.

Could he?

“You look pale Semi-Semi!” Tendou cackled, “Did I scare you? Do you want to touch it?”

“No!” Semi said sharply, turning away. He was slowly beginning to realize they were on Owl territory. How ironic that Tendou was hold one in his hands. Was it on purpose? Did Tendou know? Is this where Akaashi had been killed?

“Wow okay. Do you want to see what I can do? You clearly don’t think I’m as amazing as I am!”

“You don’t have to,” Semi wanted him to put the damn thing away already.

Tendou was just about to swing the quinque to show Semi exactly what he could do before he was knocked off his feet and swung into a nearby wall. Semi could see a flash of magenta flash by and he knew just by the sight who it was.

“Yukie...” He growled.

The smoke from the rubble crumbling around Tendou dissipated and Semi was surprised to see him still breathing. Yukie had punted him pretty far and no normal human should have survived a kick like that.

But time and time again Tendou had proved not to be a normal human.

“Eita, get out of here!” Tendou yelled. Semi could see a trickle of blood coming from his temple and he closed his eyes, resisting the urge to devour him whole. His blood wasn’t the most satisfying thing he’d ever smelled but it was _ blood _ \- it would do.

“Yeah, _ Eita _, are you going to run?” Yukie purred from a short distance away. Semi turned his head to look at her, standing there in her fierce glory. What looked like a fiery wing was curled over her shoulder but he knew it could extend and smack him into the next Ward if she wanted.

Semi didn’t have a chance to respond. Before he knew it, Yukie flashed forward, charging towards Tendou like a bull. 

Semi wasn’t aware how he got between them. He could feel his blood begin to boil with anger at the thought of Yukie laying a single finger on Tendou and his body reacted before his brain could. His kagune burst from its sack and it smacked Yukie out of the way, flinging her across the premise. His back was to the other ghoul, and he was facing Tendou.

Tendou, a ghoul investigator and his boyfriend, who was staring right at him. Tendou, who he’d done such a good job at hiding his secret from. Tendou, whose eyes widened as he gazed at Semi, flicking from his face to the tail swishing behind him shimmering purple and gold. There was shock and disgust and _ pain _ in maroon eyes that Semi would never be able to wipe from his memory. 

Checkmate. All of Semi’s mistakes culminated into this one single instance, the moment he fucked up. He revealed himself to Tendou while he was trying to protect him. Oh the irony.

Time seemed to slow down in that instant. It was just him and Tendou in the universe, their gazes locked, a ghoul and a human in a staredown. Tendou seemed to be coming to terms with reality why Semi was full of regret. But he’d done it to protect Tendou, even though he knew the Dove could protect himself. The worst part was that his body moved on instinct to defend a human. Because at the end of the day he was reminded again that they were different, despite being able to love and feel the same. 

“Eita-”

“I’m sorry,” Semi breathed, arms outstretched on either side of him now. He was trying to block Tendou from view, could hear Yukie’s footsteps pounding on the asphalt growing closer and closer. “Get out of here.”

“You’re-”

“_ Get out of here! _” His tail swung blindly behind him but he missed, gasping when he felt something sharp impale his back in multiple spots. Yukie cackled behind him.

“How noble of you, Semi! Konoha would be so disappointed in you, seeing you defend the person who killed him.”

Semi tensed, sucking in a sharp breath through gritted teeth. Recognition flashed in Tendou’s eyes at the name and his mouth fell open. Semi continued to hold his gaze for a beat longer before he turned to Yukie. “What?”

“This man, your boyfriend, killed your Akinori. Didn’t you love Konoha with all your heart?”

Semi did. He really did. The time he spent with Akinori had been some of the best moments of his life. Akinori had made him feel complete. But Tendou did the same thing, making Semi feel whole in a different way. But this information almost changed it all. Semi had always been a sensitive person so he couldn’t completely go cold. But it made him want to turn and stab his bikaku through Tendou’s chest.

Instead, he did this to Yukie, who didn’t have time to dodge.

“Stop lying!” He growled, lifting her off the ground and flinging her across the lot again. He rushed after her and caged her in on the ground, one hand around her throat. His fingers tightened, squeezing her windpipe and listening to her hyperventilate as she bled out.

Her teeth were coated with blood, “You’ll have to do better than that if you want to kill me. Cut my head clean off, that’s what _ he _ did to Konoha.” She spit in Sem’s face, saliva thick with blood. 

Semi roared and their kagune slammed together, the force rattling Semi’s bones. They collided on more than one occasion, Semi stunned by the sheer strength Yukie possessed. She wasn’t ranked as high as he was on the Dove’s scale, but she _ was _ an Owl so she was still pretty high. He’d never seen her fight before, sticking to his own pack or with Akinori, the two of them having made an incredible team.

He should’ve never underestimated Yukie. She sliced two of his fingers clean off, though he knew they would grow back within the next day or so. He screamed and he contorted a little at the sight of his fingers dripping blood where they’d once been.

That was when he stabbed his bikaku straight through her throat. His bikaku was scaly and sharp at the end like a sword, perfect for combat and defense. He watched the blood bubble through the wound and out her mouth.

“I would tell Saru I’m sorry, but I’m not,” Semi spoke coldly and he closed his eyes as he delivered the final blow, blood splattering all over him. He licked his lips, tasting the ghoul’s blood and shuddering. Ghoul’s blood just didn’t taste the same as a human’s.

Panic surged through Semi as he turned to look at where Tendou had been, but he found no one. He looked around frantically, trying to sense if Tendou was still there. Why hadn’t he come up and killed him? Tendou had the chance.

But Tendou had ran. He picked up his briefcase, quinque safely tucked away once more, and fled. Not once in his career had Tendou ever passed up on the opportunity to kill a ghoul, especially not one as high ranked as Semi. Tendou had been searching for the Swans for years, he knew what their kagune looked like, he’d been fantasizing about killing every single one of them every day for who knows how long. And when he was confronted with one of them, he froze.

Because he wasn’t prepared for it to be Semi. Wakatoshi’s words echoed through Tendou’s head: “_ You know there is a very high chance your partner is a ghoul, correct? _”

Tendou could scoff at his own response now: “_ Nonsense, Wakatoshi-kun! I would know if Semi-Semi was a ghoul. Have I ever been wrong? _”

Tendou could officially mark this as the one time he’d been wrong. And it counted the most.

Semi rushed from the scene of the crime. It was likely that the Owls were lurking about and they wouldn’t be pleased to see another person taken from their ranks. Especially not Yukie, who was basically their wrangler half the time. Semi knew there was one place he had to go, the safest place, but he wasn’t thrilled for the results.

He knocked on the door, clutching his mangled hand to his chest, the flow of blood slowly tapering off finally. He felt a little woozy, but the tingling feeling was there, so he knew the regeneration process was commencing. 

“Wow, you look like shit,” a bored monotone droned opposite him.

Semi only rolled his eyes, “Where’s Shirabu?” He huffed as he pushed his way into Kawanishi’s apartment.

“Training the puppy.” Kawanishi’s blank face slowly broke into something feral and it made Semi turn his nose in disgust. The expression was quickly lost however when he saw Semi caked in blood. “What happened to you?”

Semi stumbled his way to the couch, seeing spots. He felt like he was going to pass out. He needed blood, and fast. But he knew Kawanishi didn’t have any, so he was shit out of luck. “I did something bad.”

“Uh huh.”

“I killed Yukie. In front of Tendou. And exposed myself.”

A low whistle sounded from Kawanishi and Semi refused to look at him. He couldn’t bear to see the look on his face. Kawanishi wasn’t a man of many expressions, but disappointment was definitely a notch on his belt. 

“You know I have to tell him right?”

Semi closed his eyes. He was hoping that Kawanishi _ wouldn’t _ say that. In his delusional fantasies, Shirabu didn’t have to know. Semi could just skip out on telling him and Shirabu would never find out.

It was definitely a delusion.

Some time later, when Semi was half conscious, the door to Kawanishi’s apartment slammed open. The force of the door hitting the wall created a small hole where the handle hit. Semi’s eyes shot open and he braced for the impact of a crash. It was likely to be that, really, his heart rate anything but calm. He knew Shirabu would come soon enough, but not _ so _soon, and he had Goshiki in tow, as Semi could hear the quiet pleas of “Shirabu-san” gradually getting louder.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Shirabu rounded the corner, sharp eyes set into his infamous glare, blazing with fury. Shirabu was an expert at schooling his emotions in most cases, but the one that evaded him was anger.

“Shirabu-“

“No. Shut the fuck up.” Shirabu got in his face as Semi stood, maintaining some amount of height on him but losing his balance. Shirabu’s glare made him feel small, however, but he refused to cower under the weight of it. “I knew you getting involved with a Dove would come back and bite us in the ass. Were you out of your fucking mind? The answer is yes, you were.”

Shirabu jabbed a finger at Goshiki, who stood like a deer in headlights halfway between the common room and the hallway. Kawanishi remained sitting, calm expression on his face, though his eyes gave away that he would jump between them if it became serious.

“If anything happens to him, if so much as a hair on his head is out of place because the Doves come after us, I will make sure it is me who is tearing your eyeballs from your skull and feeding them to you,” his threat was harsh and Semi physically recoiled from the image alone. “I refuse to lose anybody ever again, both from your stupid ass mistakes, and because of those fucking people who think that we don’t deserve to live in their world because we’re just a little different.”

Shirabu stopped to take a breath, the vein in his neck visible as Semi’s eyes flicked down to assess him. He started to refute, but Shirabu wasn’t done.

“I... You knew how dangerous it was. And you exposed yourself anyway? They know all of us. He knows all of us now! You put us all in danger. And you kill one of our _ allies _!? Now the Owls are going to be after us too. Our own kind, after we’ve shared so much with them.” He pauses before taking another breath, “I refuse to lose him,” another jab in Goshiki’s direction, “like I lost Shigeru. Keiji. Even fucking Futakuchi. Do you remember what happened to Konoha? Your fucking Dove boyfriend is the one that killed him and you still got together with him knowing that? Did you even love Akinori at all?”

Semi grabbed onto the front of Shirabu’s shirt, smearing blood as he went, and tugged him close so they were nose to nose, “Don’t you fucking dare say his name.” It doesn’t register that Shirabu somehow knew that Tendou was the one who had killed Akinori.

Shirabu snarled and bared his teeth, the whites of his eyes slowly fading to black, the irises going molten, “I’ll say whatever the fuck I want. I should’ve killed you when you first started dating that freak. I should’ve killed you a long time ago. That way, we would be safe. Tsutomu would be safe!” 

Once again, Semi braced for impact, except it never came. Shirabu was wrenched from his grip, locked in a tight hold by Kawanishi. Kawanishi was the stronger of the two, lucky for Semi. Shirabu thrashed about for a good thirty seconds before he relaxed in Kawanishi’s arms and the black faded from his eyes.

“I’ll take care of things,” Semi promised, voice hard and devoid of emotion. It took all of what was left of his strength to say those words with confidence. Shirabu’s emotionally charged speech rang through his head. He had a point; Semi got them into this, and he was going to get them out. He would protect them, even if it cost him his life. “You guys can’t stay here. You have to go to a different ward, if possible.”

“I can’t just leave. I... I go to school!” Goshiki chimed in finally, voice trembling. 

“Oh, we’re getting the fuck out,” Shirabu agreed with Semi, finally. “If it means protecting you, then I’ll run. They’ll have our names and faces plastered all over the news in the morning probably.” He nudged out of Kawanishi’s arms and he bypassed Semi, going for Goshiki. He slipped their hands together and squeezed, “I won’t lose you because of Semi’s mistakes. Trust me on this.”

Semi closed his eyes and didn’t dare look at the two of them, but something told him that Goshiki was nodding. The boy would blindly follow Shirabu anywhere; Kawanishi would go too, but they’d been attached at the hip since they were kids. 

Semi was lucky he’d fell in with them, until now that is. Once more, Semi had no one. And it was all his fault. The least he could do was right his wrongs. 

Semi remained on the down low for the next few days. He stayed at Kawanishi’s apartment, the place stripped bare as Shirabu dragged Kawanishi and Goshiki to the next word. Kawanishi had parted with just a warning: “Be careful.” Semi was fairly certain he was going to die, but he appreciated the sentiment. Goshiki had only gone with a sympathetic look while Shirabu didn’t spare him a glance. He deserved that.

When he finally collected himself and decided what he was going to do, he sent out a simple text. It was an address and a time, much like the one that Tendou had sent him. Semi just hoped he showed up. He dressed himself in all black and made his way down to the spot he’d chosen, following the river as he did. He stood for quite some time, waiting. Would Tendou show? Semi had no clue.  
Suddenly, his eyebrows pulled to the center of his forehead in confusion. The air around him was slowly permeated by a certain scent, one he hadn’t smelled in years. Not since....

“Akinori?” He whispered. His guard was down and the next thing he knew he was being blasted into the side of the building by something firm, Konoha’s scent traveling with it. Debris fell on either side of him and on top of him as he collected his bearings. 

“Do you recognize that, Semi-Semi?” A familiar singsong came from the shadows and it made Semi’s heart clench. Of course. Of course it was Tendou, “I picked this out special for you. I thought you might like it.”

Semi was too busy blinking stars from his eyes to respond. Slowly he sat up, shaking dust from his hair. His fingers had grown back but were still a little sensitive; being thrown into a building definitely did not help them retain any feeling. On shaking legs Semi stood up, swaying a little bit as his kagune grew from him. He didn’t plan on hurting Tendou, he wanted to prove that he was _ good _, that not all ghouls were the monsters hiding in the shadows that Tendou seemed to think they were.

But the sight of something so beautiful that had come from Akinori being held in Tendou’s hand as a weapon made Semi want to devour him whole. 

“It doesn’t have to be like this,” Semi breathed out, and repeated himself louder this time.

Tendou cackled, and the sound made Semi’s bones curdle. It sounded nothing like Tendou’s usual laughter. This was cold and blood thirsty. Tendou wasn’t going to see Semi as a person, somebody breathing like him. Semi was the enemy in this situation.

“Oh Semi-Semi, how naive,” Semi was able to dodge his attack this time, rolling to the side as coils of gold swirled towards him. He brought his own bikaku up in defense for every attack that Tendou brought against him. When their weapons collided it almost sounded like swords, but this was attached to Semi, and the pain rattled through him with each blow.

Naturally, he should have had more stamina than Tendou. But Semi wasn’t really fighting. He didn’t want to fight Tendou. He loved him. He realized that over the past few days. He loved Tendou. He loved learning about the manga Tendou adored, he loved all the creepy ways Tendou moved, he even loved hearing Tendou recount all the times he’d ripped a ghoul apart. As sick as that was, it was a part of Tendou’s life and Semi care about all aspects of him.

“Come on Semi-Semi! Fight back! Let me see what you can do! I’ve been waiting a long time for this!” Tendou laughed again, like nails on a chalkboard, and sent his quinque racing towards Eita.

“I don’t want to fight you!” Semi cried out, lowering his kagune. He groaned when Tendou struck at that moment, Akinori’s kagune burrowing into his side, almost thrumming with pleasure as it got a lick of Semi’s blood. Did Akinori recognize it? Was he alive through Tendou’s quinque?

“There’s only one way this can end, Semi-Semi,” Tendou announced noblely, “One of us has to die. It’s the only way.”

“Is it?” Semi asked, coming closer. He gripped his side, warm with blood. Tendou stood his ground, eyes narrowed in Semi’s direction.

“It’s my duty to kill you.”

“Why? Because I’m different? You’ve seen the humanity in me. Does that mean nothing to you?”

Semi paused to cough as Tendou struck him again, this time on the opposite side. This wound was deeper and pain shot through every particle of his being. Semi was determined to get through to Tendou. They’d spent months together, getting to know each other inside and out, why did it all have to be thrown away because of who he was? 

“Humanity? You lied to me. You’ve been lying to me. I should’ve seen right through you,” Tendou mumbled to himself and this time, Semi did raise his bikaku to block the attack that shot through the air at him. He ran towards Tendou and knocked him to the ground, towering over him.

“I may have lied about this, but everything else was real! I’ve never met anybody like you. I know you saw me, and you liked what you saw. You’re only doing this because you’re disgusted that you fucked a _ ghoul _?” 

Blood burst from Semi’s mouth as the quinque buried in his stomach, taking a shaking breath as Tendou removed it and stood, beginning to beat Semi’s battered body with it.

“Satori,” Semi let out a trembling breath, making the redhead pause and close his eyes. There was so much pain in Semi’s voice. He’d caused that pain, he’d driven his quinque into his body so many times and Semi had barely defended himself. His moral compass was out of proportion, telling him that this was a ghoul, but it was also Semi. Should he help him? Should he kill him? He loved him, that was for certain. But how sick was it that Tendou fell in love with a ghoul, the one thing he hated most in this world? He couldn’t see past that. 

“I love you,” Semi breathed, echoing Tendou’s own thoughts. “I’ve loved somebody before... you’re holding him... but our love is different. I know what it’s like to lose somebody you love. It’s...” he coughed and blood sputtered past his lips and onto Tendou’s cheeks, his shirt. His white trench coat was tainted by a ghoul’s blood once more.

“It’s more painful than you can ever imagine, losing somebody you love in the way I have... But you’ve lost somebody too right? Your sibling... You probably never even thought about how we feel though, hm? How killing him would affect those in his lives? You don’t see us as people...”

Semi let out a choked laugh, a single crimson tear painting his alabaster cheek, red eyes gazing at Tendou. “You don’t have to do this. You don’t have to-“ A gurgling noise bubbled up from Semi and Tendou could barely watch, he couldn’t bring himself to look down to see what he’d done.

“I love you too, Eita. But the sight of you now, with those eyes, with that thing coming from you. It disgusts me.” Tendou leaned in as he slowly pulled the quinque from Semi’s chest where he’d stabbed him right through the heart, wanting him to feel every inch of death creeping into him. There were already multiple wounds throughout Semi’s body that not even a ghoul could survive. Semi’s breathing became harsh, as if he were hyperventilating and more spilled past blue lips. 

“You’re going to make a beautiful quinque Eita. I’ve been searching for you for months. Im so glad I found you.” The last centimeter of Tendou’s quinque left Semi’s body and the ghoul collapsed to the floor, choking on his own blood and bile creeping up his throat. Semi let out one last war cry, louder than anything Tendou had ever heard before, and there was a burst of light coming out of him. Flames of purple and gold, and diamonds of turquoise twinkled before burning out. Semi went limp once and for all, staring up at Tendou unseeingly.

Tendou felt as cold as Semi looked. The investigator fell to his knees over Semi’s lifeless body and he cradled his cheek. Even though his kagune laid beside him, Tendou couldn’t help but think of how beautiful Semi looked like this. Tendou _ had _seen the humanity in him, but he’d also seen Semi’s true form, which would haunt Tendou in his nightmares.

“Goodnight, Semi-Semi,” he whispered as he pulled out his phone to make the call.

On an overpass a few yards away stood three figures cloaked in white. They had watched the whole event unfold, had watched as the ghoul didn’t defend himself against the Dove’s attacks. One figure openly sobbed, nothing discreet about the sniffles hidden behind his swan mask. The other two figures were stoic, feeling nothing. 

“Let’s go,” Shirabu murmured. They’d stayed to make sure Semi made the right decision. In Shirabu’s eyes, Semi had atoned for his sins. He’d righted his wrongs. Now what was left for the Swans to do was make things right with the Owls and find somewhere they could live where the Doves wouldn’t find them. It was what they had to do to survive, and Shirabu would be damned if they didn’t live.

**Author's Note:**

> Please talk to me about Semi Eita on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/novocaine_sea)


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